I'd Lie
by likecominghome
Summary: Sometimes Lydia wishes that Stiles wasn't so oblivious. Because then maybe he'd be able to tell that she was at least half in love with him.


_I think he can see through everything but my heart. _

It's pretty late by the time his beat up blue jeep comes to a stop in front of her house. She's been sitting inside on the bottom stair for the last twenty minutes – ever since he texted her asking if he could come over.

So when she notices his headlights lit through the dark, she grabs her purse, yells to tell her mom that she's leaving and runs out the door. He smiles as she climbs into the passenger seat, shifting his body to face her more directly.

Usually, he's dressed in a plaid button up and jeans, but tonight, he's gone for something a little more fancy: a solid light blue dress shirt beneath a charcoal blazer. She looks at him fondly, proud that he managed to expand his fashion horizons.

That pride soon shifts to admiration when she comes to the realization that he looks…well, smoking hot. The color of the shirt almost makes him seem like he's glowing and she's having a hard time not staring.

He quirks his eyebrows, silently wondering why she hasn't blinked since got in the car, so she breaks the awkwardness by smiling widely and asking, "How'd it go?"

She doesn't really want to know the answer; she's just being polite.

Earlier that night, he'd gone on a date. Deep down, she knows she has no right to be jealous. After all, she'd spent most of the years they'd known each other giving him the distinct impression that a romantic relationship between them would never happen.

But now…

Now it's as though their relationship has done a complete 180. Because now, she goes to sleep every night wondering why she can't just tell him how she feels and she's almost completely certain that he thinks of her as just a friend.

He shrugs in response to her question. "It was fine, I guess."

She raises an eyebrow. "Just fine? What happened?"

"I don't know," he sighs, raising a hand and raking it through his hair. "It just didn't feel right. She was nice and all, but there was no connection."

"What does that even mean?" she wrinkles her nose, a little confused.

He stares at her for a moment as though trying to figure out the best way to explain and she uses the silent time to count the kaleidoscope of colors in his eyes. After a few moments, he bursts out laughing and she swears it's the most beautiful thing she's ever heard.

"You know what?" he grins, his eyes squinting and his lips stretched wide. "I have no idea."

"You are a strange human being," she replies, but laughs as she speaks.

"Hey, you wanna get some food?" he asks.

She raises an eyebrow. "Didn't you just go to dinner?"

His lips twist into a smirk. "Since when has that ever meant that I'm not game to eat again?"

"True," she laughs. "I could go for some In N Out."

"Burgers it is," he grins, turning to face the steering wheel once more.

She straps herself in, laughing to herself when music fills the car as the engine roars to life. She knows all the words to the song that's playing because she's heard it about a million times. It's Stiles's favorite and although she's not a big fan, she couldn't bear to ask him to turn it off because the way he sings along and dances is too adorable for words.

Thirty minutes later, they're sitting in the open trunk of his Jeep, chewing on their burgers and sipping their sodas as they stare out at the moonlit valley below. This has become their favorite place to go.

Amid the chaos and destruction that seemed to follow them around, this spot always remain the same. It's peaceful. A place where they can sit quietly and breathe and remember that sometimes the world is insanely beautiful.

"So are you coming to our game this weekend?" he says between bites.

She swallows the bite of her burger and nods as she washes it down with soda before responding. "Don't I always?"

He shrugs. "Just checking."

Ever since Stiles had made first line, he'd been working extra hard to keep his position. Thus, he always asked her to come to the games. This was partly because he wanted moral support and partly because he was feeling nostalgic. Senior year meant these were the last lacrosse matches he would play in and she would sit through.

"Besides," she adds, "Liam kind of made me promise that I'd go."

She knows the information wasn't necessary to the conversation, but she says it anyway because she wants to see his reaction.

Liam Mason had transferred to Beacon Hills High School at the start of their senior year and Stiles had never really liked him.

Truth be told, Lydia wasn't his biggest fan either, but he was easy on the eyes and she needed something to distract her from the world's most oblivious brunette.

Stiles scowls and shakes his head. "I don't know why you hang out with that guy."

"I don't know why you hate him so much," she shoots back.

"I don't hate him," he grumbles, though his tone suggests otherwise. "I just don't trust him. The guy is way too slick for his own good."

Lydia shrugs, but she knows Stiles is right. Liam was charming in a way that was extremely fake. It was all surface level bluster and bullshit. Beneath the smooth talk, there really wasn't much substance. And she has a sneaking suspicion that there's not much good in him at all.

In reality, she should listen to Stiles. After all, he's usually right about these things.

It's not that he doesn't trust people, it's just that he has a way of seeing through them. Within five minutes of speaking to someone, he can discern whether or not their being genuine, a skill that seemed to work on everybody except her.

Because no matter how perceptive Stiles was, he still had yet to figure out that he held her heart in the palm of his hand.

She's thought multiple times about telling him – just blurting it out one day when he's driving her home from school. She has a whole scenario in her mind where he cups her cheeks and kisses her and tells her that he's never stopped loving her.

But Lydia is rational. She knows the probability of Stiles still having feelings for her after years of rejection is probably minute. Telling him could also cause an unfixable crack in their friendship, one that could haunt her for the rest of her life.

If she has to choose between pining after him and not having him around at all, she'll choose the former. Because Stiles makes life better. Stiles makes her better.

She realizes she's zoned out a little and finishes off her burger as she listens to him speak.

"Do you ever think that, maybe, falling in love isn't worth it?" he asks.

He's staring at the twinkling city lights so he doesn't notice the look of utter confusion mixed with heartbreak on her face. "Why would you say that?"

"Look at our lives, Lyd," he sighs after finishing the rest of his burger. "When we leave our houses in the morning, we have no idea whether we're coming back. I mean, I keep a flask full of wolfsbane and a shotgun in my glove compartment. It almost wouldn't be fair to be in a relationship knowing everything that I know. It seems like everyone around us gets hurt and I don't want to subject yet another person I love to that."

Part of her knows that he has a point, but another part of her needs to refute his argument. Because although Lydia is far from believing in fairy tale endings, she hates that he's become so cynical and that his view on the world is so jaded.

"You're right."

He apparently didn't expect her to agree, so he raises his eyebrows in surprise, but doesn't speak to let her continue.

"Our lives are crazy," she says, "And we're in constant danger and we never know what's going to happen next. And if by some miracle we do end up living through all of this and have children, I have no idea what we're going to say when they ask how we spent our youth. But maybe that's exactly why you can't give up on love. Because finding someone who makes you forget about all that, who will listen to your rants no matter what, who makes you feel normal – maybe that's what will keep you sane. And in the end, maybe that person will be the reason you survive."

He's staring at her when she finishes and she hopes to high heaven that he has no clue that she was talking about herself. The corners of his lips lift in a smile and his expression softens. Balling up his empty burger wrapper he stuffs it back in the bag and leans over to place his hand atop hers.

"Thanks," he whispers, "I needed that. You're always there for me, aren't you?"

She shoots him a closed lip smile and nods, despite the fact that her heart is aching. "Of course. Always."

Grinning, he jumps down from the trunk and collects their trash, throwing it into the nearest can before wiping his hands on his jeans as he walks back towards her.

"I better get you home," he smiles. "It's getting late and I have to be at school for an early morning weekend workout tomorrow."

"Sounds fun," she replies dryly as she hops to the ground and closes his trunk.

He drives her home and hugs her goodnight, promising they'll go to a movie or something over the weekend. She agrees, wondering if it qualifies as a date if it's just the two of them.

That night as she lies in bed after exchanging her nightly texts with Alison, she contemplates the fact that her friend had teased her about liking Stiles.

_You guys have been spending so much time together that people think you're dating. And don't lie, you would totally be into that. _

Of course she had lied. The last thing she needs is for a rumor to make things potentially awkward with Stiles. No matter how much she trusts Alison, she's not willing to risk it.

It really is a shame, though, because she's getting frighteningly good at lying.

Sighing, she places her phone on her nightstand and pulls the covers up to go to sleep, but before she can drift off fully, her phone lights up with a new text message.

It's from Stiles, so of course she reads it immediately.

And what it says has her heart pounding and her breathing staggered.

_You make me feel normal. _

It's not some grand, dramatic declaration of love, but it means more to her than she could ever express and she puts the phone back, she grins as she falls asleep.

The next time someone teases her about liking Stiles, she might actually tell the truth.


End file.
